Confession
by Sisterspy
Summary: Set after 5x16, Lisbon hates that Jane keeps pushing her away. To get things of her chest she goes to church to confess. SECOND version now added. Second version is set before Lorelai's death and after her giving Jane an ultimatum.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First Mentalist fic, second fic ever. And English is not my main language**

**Because Lisbon is a Catholic I thought it would make sense for her to go to church with her worries and sorrows. She would never trust a psychiatrist with her deepest thoughts and fears, but I would guess that she would be a little bit more open at church. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The mentalist, would be awesome, but no.**

Jane walked away from the crime scene. Leaving Lorelei's lifeless body behind him. Lisbon stood there for a second. Letting his words sink in. "Dammit it Jane!" She ran after him and turned him around. "Talk to me, you admitted you had feelings for her and now that she's dead you're saying she had it coming?" Jane's eyes were distant and impassive. "What do you expect me to say Lisbon? That I'm sad she's dead? No." He shook his head, a frown came to his forehead. My feelings for her were of empathy, because Lorelei and I shared the same experience; loved ones killed by Red John. I miscalculated her response, I made a mistake and now she's dead. Because she was foolish enough to take on Red John alone!"

Lisbon swallowed. "Just like you are." Her words caused a change in Jane's demeanor, he shifted his eyes to the floor. "You can't keep pushing me away Jane. You're just gonna get yourself killed, just like Lorelei." Her voice had somehow gotten back to a calmer tone. "Please Jane, let me in." She took his hand, but he immediately pulled it back. "I can't do that Lisbon, it's just going to get you killed too." With that he quickly made his way back to his car.

Lisbon stood in silence as her heart crumpled. She'd hoped that now that Lorelei was gone he would turn back to her and stop distancing himself from her. She'd obviously been wrong. Just a few more hours until daylight, then she would be able to get it of her chest. She fumbled with the cross around her neck.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned." A large sigh was heard from the other compartment. "No, you haven't." That got her immediate attention. "Excuse me?" The priest spoke in a soft voice. "You're never here for yourself, you come here to ask forgiveness for his sins." Startled, her voice came out weakly. "Yes."

"What has he done this time?" She cleared her throat. "He helped someone escape from prison. And that person then able to kill someone and put another in a coma. And now this person is dead too."

"Does he feel responsible?" She swallowed, she hated talking about this, but at least talking to a priest was safe. The church had always been her ultimate safe haven. "No, because these were people. He's obsessed with finding a criminal they were associated with and he doesn't care what he's got to do to get him."

"He sounds like a dangerous man, your partner. Why do you still work with him? Why do you still care?" Lisbon struggled with her words. "Because...because I love him." Her words had barely been above a whisper. "See, that wasn't so hard , you love him and that is why you come her every once in a while to get forgiveness for his sins. Why don't you tell him how you feel, it might make him change his ways." There was something in his voice that had Lisbon worry for a second, but then her emotions took over. "No, I could never...he wouldn't...He's too obsessed to even notice people to care for him, or even trust me as his friend. He keeps putting distance between us." Lisbon was sobbing by now, a feeling of exhaustion overwhelmed her, due to her finally speaking the thoughts she'd been keeping to herself all this time.

"Oh come one, Jane only does that because he loves you!" It took Red John only a second to realize his mistake. It had taken Lisbon less. Before he could react the door was swung open and he found himself staring at the barrel of Lisbon's Glock, she cocked back the hammer.

"You...all this time, it was you?" "Who?" The man replied innocently. "Red John." She whispered. A wicked smile crept to his lips, it made her shudder. "Yes, well I didn't plan for this to happen. I really did need to know how things between you and Jane were progressing. It's very unfortunate though, seeing as Jane really does love you, and will probably suffer from a mental breakdown again, from which he won't recover this time."

He moved his hand under his robe. Lisbon didn't hesitate for a second. One shot between his eyes, a small line of blood started to stream down his face as he sunk to the floor, a stun gun fell from his hand to the floor. Red John was dead.

Her hands still shaking she wiped away her tears from only minutes ago and pulled out her phone. She pressed the one for speed dial. "Jane? I just killed Red John."

**A/N: So what do you think? Was it good, bad? Awful? Also I wrote this as being a one-shot. I'm already busy finishing a gigantic Alias fanfic so I don't think it's a good idea to start another long one. Also I had different ideas about who was going to be in the other compartment. I also had one that had Jane being there instead of Red John. If anyone would like to read it, I could always post that as a second chapter. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the reviews I received for this, and so sorry I didn't have time to reply to everyone of you! This is final part of this story, it was indeed in need of a proper Jisbon ending. So here you have it! Enjoy!**

It took him less than ten minutes to reach her church, he was the first to arrive. After calling Jane, she'd alerted the rest of the team to the situation, who were still on their way.

Jane came into the church running, out of breath with a look of utter bewilderment and concern. He closed the distance between them, immediately pulling her into the tightest embrace she'd ever experienced. "Lisbon." Was all he uttered. He gave her a little room to breathe, searching her for any signs of being injured. "Are you hurt?" His concern was obvious, Lisbon shook her head. "I'm fine Jane."

For the first time his eyes went to the body that was laying partly in the confession boot. "It was him?" She nodded. "How? What…what happened?" The confusion and worry in his eyes made her want to pull him back into their embrace.

"I was confessing, and then the priest said something that he couldn't have known. And I just knew. I knew it as soon as he said your name that it was him. "

He grabbed her again, holding onto her for dear life. "Teresa, if he had…" "No Jane." She wouldn't let him finish. "Why was he here? What made him take such a risk?" He began stroking her hair, making her shiver under his touch.

"Jane, I need to tell you something. I've been to this church a few times before, it had always been the same 'priest'. I was talking about you, without mentioning your name. Because I worried about you and confession was my way of getting some form of relief. Maybe he was using me to get some insights on you.

Jane shook his head lightly. "He could have done that by simply working with us on a case or briefing us or anything that he could pull off with his job. Instead he choose specifically to talk to you, your most private conflicts. What were you talking about when he made his slip?"

"Boss!" Lisbon looked to the doors to see Van Pelt enter with Rigsby and Cho hot on her heels. "Over here, we're all right." Even though her mind screamed that they were far from all right, they were everything but all right.

The spell was broken, Jane let go of her, his expression still holding that questioning and tortured look. She averted her eyes, the courage to tell him had sunken away.

Everything after that morning had seemed to proceed in a fast blur. More units had come, Bertram had been in a frantic state over her killing a Homeland agent. Weeks of searching for his minions, many of which killed themselves before they'd gotten to them.

In six weeks' time, Red John or Kirland's little black book had finally been found and all his minions had been killed or arrested. Now all that was left of the case was a huge stack of paperwork on Lisbon's desk.

All that time Lisbon had avoided speaking to Jane about that night. He hadn't questioned her, nor did he question that Kirkland in fact had been Red John. She had listened to his every suggestion ransacking Kirkland's place. Never doubting him once. Never in that time had they finished their conversation, he hadn't even tried and somehow that came as a disappointment. She'd caught him staring at her with great intensity more than once, as if he was trying to figure it out without having to ask her. He was a mentalist, but for once she was sure he had no way of knowing what had happened. It seemed to confuse and scare him.

Now she was sitting at her desk, with the last forms to fill in. The one thing she hadn't put on paper were the words that had transpired between her and Red John before she shot him. It required her to fill in the exact words. She kept clicking her pen open and shut, unable to put it to paper. Knowing that she needed to talk to Jane about it first. She threw her pen down and made her way to the attic.

The door to the attic was half open, a sight she wasn't used to. She knocked before sticking her head around the corner. Jane was busy removing his Red John wall.

"Hey Lisbon." His tone was supposed to be light, but she could see he was struggling to keep sadness from his face. She couldn't take it anymore, Red John was finally dead and she let her connection to Jane fade. It was ridiculous.

"He said you loved me." Jane dropped the box he was holding. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. She shifted her feet, keeping her eyes fixed on him. "Well, do you?" He was still speechless, standing there frozen. "I said I hated you trusting Lorelai over me, and I realized I was jealous. I told him that I felt like you were pulling away from me. He replied immediately that the only reason you were doing that was because you loved me." She gave him a moment to let her words sink in. "You're my best friend Patrick, I can't lose you. And I love you, so now what?"

He took two slow steps, stopping inches before her. "You love me?" She nodded in reply, blushing due to his closeness. Still keeping her eyes focused on his. A sudden change came over him, as if her words had finally landed, his eyes began to sparkle and his lips began to form his famous smile. "You love me." A happy statement, not a question anymore.

He was beaming his hundred watt smile at her before his lips caught hers and he swept her off her feet. Turning her around and kissing her with more passion than she'd ever experienced. When they both had run out of breath he pulled away, still holding her in his arms. "Teresa, do you have any idea how happy you just made me?" She was panting and grinning from ear to ear. "Not yet, but you can show me."

He was more than happy to do just that.

There it was, the beginning of their happily ever after.

**Sorry for any mistakes, I don't have a bèta! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So I told you about the second version of this and some people actually asked me to post it, so here goes.**

Second version of Confession

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned." Lisbon spoke. "Pray tell me child of the sins you've committed." Lisbon let out a large sigh. "I…" She started. "Take your time dear." She swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that she knew would fall eventually. "My partner, he keeps pushing me away. Trusting the wrong woman. Who, I know will only disappoint him and he'll end up even more unreachable than ever." She proclaimed on the verge of bursting into tears. "Adultery? Is that the sin you've committed?" She gasped. "Oh no father, no, never. He's just my partner at work." "If he's just your colleague, why do you care so much, why are you jealous of this woman you're speaking of?" She lost it right there and then. "Because I'm in love with him! Because I'm his partner and he should share everything with me! Because I'm the one he should be trusting and share his bed with! " Her confession was so loud it that even though the compartments were isolated her voice echoed of the walls of the church. She was sobbing by now. "I'm sorry, this was a mistake." She hurried out of the confessional and made for the doors as fast as she could.

If she had turned around she would have seen Jane standing next to the confessional, she would have seen the sadness in his face and the tears in his eyes. She would have seen him defeated as never before.

He had thought it would be fun, to tease her a bit, get her to lighten up a bit. He had imagined to tease her a bit before making himself known and scaring the crap out of her. He would have made it up by taking her to get some ice cream.

Hearing her so emotional broke him apart. His Lisbon was torn a part because of him, was heartbroken and felt betrayed. He had thought she wouldn't mind, thought she would convince herself she didn't care.

He'd been never so wrong in his entire life, wished that he hadn't been here. Hadn't heard her desperate words, wished he could forget all he heard.

Standing there lost in the church, holding on to the door of the confessional made him realize he was making her heart a warzone and her life a living hell. All his tricks didn't seem so funny and clever anymore. All his lies and secrets not so important. All there was left was his desire to make her happy again, letting her know her love wasn't a one way street.

It scared him that he had been so blind when it came to her. Maybe he wanted to be blind, she would be in more danger than ever being with him. But knowing Lisbon she would shrug it off and tell him she'd always been in danger for being on the Red John case.

He suddenly wished that he believed in God , to tell him in which direction to go.

**So? Another chapter to round things up? Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you guys soooo incredibly much for all the awesome reviews! I really enjoyed writing this and I wasn't expecting so much feedback. Well with this little piece this has come to and end. So I hope you will enjoy and tell me what you thought of the ending!**

She'd left the office early, not wanting to run into Jane, who she hadn't seen all day. Hoping maybe for a night with Ben&Jerry's and perhaps some stupid action movie to get her mind off things. Instead of being able to settle down and turn off her brain she found herself unable to stay on the couch and began pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the couch, unsure as to what kept her from finding rest. Only a second later she got a text, of course, she should have known he would be the one to ruin her night.

_"Meet me at the Bodega Bay, I need you."_

With a large sigh she put the ice cream pint back into the freezer and slammed the door shut. Apparently she had been suspecting this, otherwise she would have texted him to go to hell instead of agreeing to meet him somewhere on a beach, where he was probably creating havoc. What the hell would he have done this time? Another sigh, she felt a headache coming up. She ran upstairs to get changed, in an hour or two she would know.

She found him sitting on a dune, gazing over the ocean. It was almost sundown, she admired the large orange sphere that hang over the ocean. They were all alone out here, too quiet for her liking.

She stopped right next to him and crossed her arms. "So, why did you need me here for?" He simply took her hand and let his eyes meet hers. She was taken aback by the doubt and uncertainty she recognized.

"Jane?" She questioned. "Teresa would you please sit down."

She settled herself next to him, wondering why he wouldn't let go of her hand and why he called her by her first name.

"I need to tell you something. Something I didn't know whether to tell you, something I hoped would be obvious to you, but it's never fair to expect someone to know what you're thinking, no matter how good they can read minds."

His lips smiled a little, but his eyes weren't.

"So many years ago when I first met you I only had one goal, that was to kill Red John. I never cared whether I would end up dead or in prison, I fully intended to kill myself after I'd finished him. Thinking I deserved nothing more than that."

He paused, his gaze never leaving her.

"Maybe I still do deserve nothing more than that. But somewhere along those years, you became my best friend. The only person I could really rely on. You were my rock, to hold onto when the ground became quicksand. I don't know exactly when, but my endgame changed. I began to hope that someday, after Red John had been dealt with I could have a second chance. To give a woman the love she deserves, and nothing less. To have a family again."

Tears were trying to break their way out of the corner of his eyes. He felt a lump stuck in his throat, making it almost impossible to speak his next words.

"I don't know if you can fix me, but I want that future with you, because that's the only thing that keeps me holding on. Keeps me from giving up, because I want you, I need you and I love you. And Teresa, I hope that you understand that I'm too scared for all of that before he's gone. But please, can you wait? For me?" His last words were so soft she had trouble hearing them, but not in understanding them.

"Yes, I will." She whispered. And she thanked God for answering her prayers while wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, with the other she still held on tight to her consultant.

Silently they watched as the sun disappeared below the surface.

**Any thoughts? Oh and I picked the whole Bodega Bay of Google maps, so I haven't got the faintest clue what kind of beach that is, so don't hate me if it's awful or restricted.  
**


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